The Making of a Marriage – Wives & Their Words

Yeah… that’s my man!

Today, I want to brag on my man a bit. Okay… a lot! I love him like crazy for oh-so many reasons, but other than his love for God and passion for ministering to people, he prays some crazy, audacious prayers for me to become who I was created to be and then he helps me fulfill God’s call on my life. AND… he loves me. AND… he gets me. AND… he makes me laugh. AND… he works hard at being a good husband. And… a million other reasons that won’t fit in this post.

I know it sounds like he’s perfect and that our marriage is just one big bundle of bliss, but it hasn’t always been this way. We’ve trudged through some deep valleys where love was a choice of the will and not that warm, fuzzy, romantic feeling we often think love is supposed to be.

We’ve waged war with one another far too often and we’ve both very selfishly tried to make our marriage all about us. 

But one thing we’ve both been committed to do from day one is to keep our personal battles personal. We may have had a select few people we would share our hearts with (and that’s very important), but we didn’t air our dirty laundry.

The Bible says a wise woman builds her house and a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. (Proverbs 14:1)

The words we say have the power to either help build our husbands and build our marriages or they can tear them both down. Not just the words we say to our spouse, but the ones we say about him.

The same is true with the words we choose NOT to say. 

Recently, I was talking with a friend about an argument between a husband and wife being played out on Facebook for the whole world-wide-web to see. What should have remained personal became not only a very public argument but included thousands of their closest Facebook friends, as well.

That sweet lady didn’t realize that each stroke of the computer keyboard was dealing a terrible blow to the foundation of her marriage. She was litterally pulling down her her marriage and her man with her hands.

Wives damage their own marriages when they refrain from taming their tongues.

Today I want to share 10 tips for taming your tongue and making the most of your marriage:

1. NEVER argue in public.

2. NEVER talk badly about your husband to others.

3. AVOID conversations where women are talking about their husbands negatively.

4. NEVER reveal personal behavior traits.

5. NEVER reveal information about your sexual relationship with your husband.

6. NEVER undermine him in front of others.

7. ALWAYS look for opportunities to say something positive to him.

8. ALWAYS look for opportunities to brag on your man in front of others.

9. NEVER try to get others involved in your arguments.

10. ALWAYS be your husband’s biggest cheerleader, gracious help-meet and strongest advocate.

Have you ever struggled with watching your words in relationship to your marriage? What would you add to this list?

4 Comments

  1. I think these are good principles to live by with the exception of a woman who is in an abusive relationship. I think she does need to find safe people (therapist or a safe mature woman or pastor) to confide the abuse too and be understood and supported. That does mean sharing the not so nice aspects of a spouse's behaviors – but it should not be to bash – but more to seek assistance in living in obedience to Christ and letting Him use the painful stuff to grow her in his image while not becoming a victim. Abused women often feel very isolated and alone and abuse can take many other forms than just being hit: emotional, verbal, sexual and financial abuse for example are not as obvious – but even more devastating of she feels that she cannot speak up to someone about the reality of her circumstances.

  2. Susan,
    Thanks for sharing that! I completely agree. I'm praying about doing a post on “When Wives are Abused” but I want to be sure to approach it with God's wisdom, not my own words.

    Too often, what we write can be claimed as a cure all for all that's wrong. Each circumstance is unique and I want to be careful what I write will not be misconstrued as a giant paint brush that paints every abusive marriage situation with the same color.

    Hope that makes sense. Still praying about it though. It is definitely a topic that needs to be addressed.

    Thanks again for sharing about the need for wise counselors and confidential friends for all women… especially those who have been abused.

  3. Thank you sister girl for posting this piece! WOW! I love this and so agree with you 100%. I have tried to teach some of these same principles to younger women and there are some older ones I would love to send this too! Thanks for sharing. Hugs and blessings, Cindy

  4. Thanks Cindy! I've been seeing so many 'private' discussions between a husband and wife become VERY public on FB and it just breaks my heart. Hugs back! 🙂

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