The Making of a Marriage

I’ve often wondered why so much time, money and effort goes into a wedding that lasts less than an hour and yet over 1/2 of marriages end in divorce. It’s a sad truth that affects those in the church as much as it does those who don’t call themselves Christians.

I’ve been divorced. I know the effect it has on little hearts that hurt because they don’t understand why mommy and daddy don’t love each other any more. The fact that my divorce occurred before I became a Christian doesn’t change the consequences my son had to endure as a result.

It wasn’t ever supposed to be that way. Marriage is supposed to be “’til death do us part.” But our world has changed and what was once deemed unacceptable is now embraced.

On January 31, 1987, I married a man I was crazy about. I never considered the fact that we were as different as night and day. Although we dated for over a year before he asked me to marry him and we thought we knew each other pretty well, the truth is that neither of us knew each other as well as we thought we did.

When you’re dating you put your game face on. It’s not too difficult to put your best foot forward when you’re not with someone 24/7. But when you’re married, the mask comes off, you let your hair down and you begin to see each other at your best, your worst and all things in between.

Donald and I have been married for 25 years. It hasn’t always been easy but we both understand that saying, I do was just the beginning of a lifetime of learning how to keep saying, I do for the rest of your life.

After over 20 years of ministering to women… many of whom came to me about their marriages… I’ve decided that it’s time I begin a series on “The Making of a Marriage.” 

We can’t change our husbands, but we can be the best wives we can possibly be and honor God regardless of whether our men do or not. That is what we are called to.

“Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.” Proverbs 31:10

Solid marriages don’t just happen… they are made over time as a result of a lot of hard work, a lot of dying to self and a lot of prayer.

I hope you’ll join this series and share your own places of need as well as your own tips to a vibrant and victorious marriage.

What are some things you need encouragement with about your marriage? What would you say to those who are tying the knot soon?


  1. My Papa used to say it like this. “Working on a marriage is kinda like working on car…you got to make sure it has gas when needed, water in the pump, oil changed every so often and some tinkering along the way to keep it running! What an analogy unh? However, that is so true even about a marriage. The most important thing is having Jesus but even with having your first love, Jesus, it still takes focusing on God to make a marriage work! Every story is different that is for sure but there is only one God that can save, heal, and mend. I am a prodical of divorce…my mom was married 5 times and I can tell you the hurt, anger, and even sense of feeling as though the whole world is upon your shoulders can feel. But because of that…many years ago I decided to take a stand. I decided to take a stand against the enemy and make a difference for my future generations to come. And it has been hard along the way! Mercy, I am rambling too much now Steph! Thanks for this post. So much I'd like to share on this one. Even to a daughter that knew a man for 10 years and married. Jekell and Hyde! Home in 3 months and divorced in 5. We need to pray…pray…pray…for these families today. Hugs and blessings, Cindy

  2. Cindy, I LOVE your papa's analogy! It's a constant 'working' that needs to be done and the maintenance is needed most in the areas of weakness!

    Great stuff!

    I figured it was time I started a series on marriages. 🙂

  3. Such a great post, Stephanie! And you're so right: Solid marriages don't just happen. They are a continuous work of love and effort. I haven't been able to read all of the new posts, but I'm working on it!

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